Into Deep Eternity
by ultraman64
Summary: While standing on the edge, Superboy realizes he's not alone.


Copyright to DC. Title from an Emily Dickinson poem, "Setting Sail."

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Into Deep Eternity

While the team's excited in the morning about the new base, Miss Martian and officially joining the Justice League, when it's time to leave, they scatter. For the past four days, everything he's known is turned and examined and double checked. He's poked, prodded and questioned by various members of the League and Superman hasn't said much to him since that first night. So, as everyone exits, returning to their own beds, homes and families, Superboy stands before the entrance and stares. He knows he can go back to Cadmus whenever he wants, and while it is his home, it just feels so small now. Like there was this great big world right above his head and he never bothered to look before. It makes him fidget, makes him restless and he suddenly just wants to leave and see everything.

"Superboy?" A dull, mechanical voice says behind him and he swings around to look at the Red Tornado. "Is there a problem?"

"N-no..." He answers and winces slightly. It's still weird to hear his voice, even now, days after leaving Cadmus. He clears his throat and stands to his full height as he addresses Tornado once more. "No, but I was hoping if I could go out for a while."

The man-machine doesn't move. His face doesn't shift nor does he make an noise as if he's considering the request. Dead silence meets his question and it makes Superboy want to fidget again, but he resists the urge to do so. Red Tornado turns away, making his way towards the computer against the large wall opposite the door. "Considering your condition, it is not wise for you to leave unsupervised."

Condition.

The word condition denotes that there is something wrong with him, that he's not fit to be a hero. To be *here* and he thinks back instantly to Doctor Desmond.

_"Not a real boy...a weapon..."_

It makes him tighten his fists at his sides and glares at the back of Red Tornado's head, some small hope that the man-machine is joking. He didn't go through hell, didn't allow himself to be poked and examined like a damn experiment just to find out they didn't even think of him as a real person.

As a hero.

"You may visit the unoccupied beach on the southern part of the base for the time being," Tornado continues, unaware of Superboy's rising anger behind him. "At least until one of your comrades returns from their trip home."

Superboy continues to glare at the older hero for a moment more before floating into the air and heading in the direction of the beach. It would do him no good to start an argument or fight when the man-machine is probably just following orders. It would do him no good to prove everyone's thoughts about him right either.

He's a *threat*. He knows they think this even though he can prove contrary to the assumption. The genomorphs taught him everything he needed to know; about people, communities, laws and crimes, heroes and villains. There was no need to think he would go and cause some major disaster in the city. He knew better than that.

Still, if even Superman didn't trust him, there would be little he could do to change the rest of the League's opinion of him.

Finding the southern exit was easy enough, as was getting out of the base. It was when he was just floating about the beach side, the blue ocean stretched out before him, that Superboy knew that everything he was going through was worth it.

He wanted his freedom. Freedom for his brothers, as Dubbilex put and freedom to choose his own life. There was an uncertainty to his life now, but... he would prove them wrong. He'd be a hero, show them that he had what it took to be one. Still, would people even trust him? Could they trust him? He had attacked Kid Flash, Robin and Aqualad a few days before, and even if he did end up saving them, he had been willing to kill them.

Superboy shook and landed heavily in the sand, unable to support himself as the realization hit him. If Desmond had asked, before he had a chance to talk with any of the three boys, he would have killed them. It made him want to retch, to yell out that he wouldn't have done such a thing but he was so unsure.

"What if they're right? What if I can't be trusted?" Superboy mumbled, sinking into the sand and pulled his knees up. It hurt to consider such things but he had to, had to be sure he wouldn't turn against them again. He hugged his legs to his chest, lowering his head onto them.

Despair. That's what it felt like, settling into his chest; Despair.

The lapping waves were the only thing that sounded for a moment before the shuffle of footsteps in the sand had his head snapping up.

Aqualad stood a few paces to his side, holding a bag over one shoulder and was just watching him. Superboy felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment and he stumbled to his feet uneasily. "I-" His throat burned and he swallowed against the lump lodged there. "I was just looking at the ocean..."

The other boy stared silently before turning his gaze out towards the ocean. He dropped the bag he held and bridged the gap between them, standing beside Superboy. The other boy could only blink rapidly as the dark skinned teen stepped up to him and turned his eyes back to the ocean as well. There was a part of him that wanted to run off, ignore the other boy's presences and pretend that everything was alright. There was another part that hoped that Aqualad would ask, like a friend is suppose to in situations like this, what was wrong.

From the corner of his eye, Superboy could see Aqualad crossing his arms and he felt a chill run through him as he remember those arms catching him as they fell. The following thought, that he wouldn't mind being held in those arms again, caught him off guard and he forced his attention on the scenery.

"You know," Superboy turned his head sharply back towards Aqualad as he spoke, light green eyes watching him attentively. "There's a legend that says mermaids would lead sailors to their doom on the ocean just by their singing."

The statement gave Superboy pause if only because it seemed so random a thing to say. Aqualad's lips quirk and looks away as Superboy takes a moment for the information to sink in and make sense. In a frustrated huff, Superboy gives up and asks; "Isn't that a Greek myth or something?"

"Yes," the other boy replies quietly, now smirking at something known only to him. "The Sirens were supposedly the same, except they would lure sailors out by singing from the coast, not from the ocean."

Superboy can't help but chuckle, shaking his head as the tension and despair fade the longer he stands with Aqualad. "Is the moral of the stories suppose to be don't trust women that sing to you?"

The comment causes Aqualad to snicker and both boys laugh quietly before growing silent once more. He feels better now, even though there's still that weight of distrust waiting for him as soon as he returns inside. Of living under the Justice League and Superman's watchful gaze, just waiting for him to make a mistake. So they can send him back.

"The mermaid legend also says that they would try and save sailors that were drowning." Superboy looks back towards the other, blue gaze flickering over Aqualad's features as he tries to decipher the message within the story. "They would kill sailors on accident by either dragging them into their undersea world or choking them before they reached land."

"I don't..."

"Even when they're trying to help, they would cause misfortune." Superboy feels that flare of anger once again and looks away. Aqualad is talking about him, of his premature failures as a hero. Of trying to help but just leading the group into more trouble instead. He closes his eyes tightly, willing himself to calm down when the featherlight touch to his shoulder jerks him back into awareness.

"They mean well Superboy..." Aqualad says quietly, standing right in front of him and leaning forward so that his forehead almost touches Superboy's. When Superboy inhales, he can smell the ocean from Aqualad's skin, and it's so different to the one just beyond them. He can taste the salt from the water on his tongue when he breathes in and it makes him lightheaded. "They mean well, but they just need to get to know you. When they do," He can feel the ghost of a hand sliding slightly up his shoulder, touching his neck before sliding away and Superboy lets his eyes flutter close at the feeling. "They'll see just how special you really are."

Neither boy moves away and they just breathe in sync to each other. Every time one takes in a breath, the other lets one out and Superboy doesn't understand the feeling that's settling into his chest but he thinks it feels perfect. He wants to move forward, press his lips to the other boy but then Aqualad is pulling away and moving to grab up his bag.

"Let's head in, I'm sure that Kid Flash, Robin and Miss Martian have already returned by now."

When Aqualad doesn't leave, just continues to watch him, Superboy finally moves to Aqualad's side, and they begin to make their way back. He realizes now that it doesn't matter what the others think of him, that they are trying to understand but won't until they're ready and it makes Superboy smile. He can live with that weight because he has his friends here, has them because *THEY* do understand him already and won't judge him or think any less of him when he makes a mistake.

He brushes his hand slightly against Aqualad's, keeping his eyes forward when he feels the other boy twitch and grins slightly when his hand is grabbed tightly.

It doesn't matter what happens now, he knows they'll face it together.


End file.
